Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Carl, you lazy slug! Steve Urkel: [sobbing] In about a week or so, but she gonna have to miss the prom. [looks over to the busted parts of the transformation chamber]. To rob and murder? Steve Urkel: [Steve picks up the cord to the satelite dish] Sloppy, Sloppy, Sloppy! You are such a sweetheart. Steve Urkel: [on the stage of the strip club] Stop the music! Carl: Overreact? Steven Quincy Urkel: Come on, yeast! Dec 25, 2011 - Explore Nadia Hussein's board "Steve Urkel", followed by 259 people on Pinterest. Laura: Curtis, I got my hair done, my nails. Rachel Crawford: Right. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Way to go Carl! [Steve is in the kitchen recovering from Laura and her sock stuffed b*obs. I'm wearin' you down baby, I'm wearin' you DOWWWWNN! [leaves]. I'll just begin a rigorist-training schedule. Have you taken leave of your senses? Allison: Well then you better find some new friends, or you better plan to join a different sororiety. Cassie Lynn: Try me. So you have to make every minute count. Now, I'm gonna give you a compliment. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Why? [plugs the cord into the socket]. Edward, sure I got a moment. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Oh that's sweet, what did he say? Can you help me out? White . And what about the car show last Saturday? Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Listen, Melissa may not be a cover girl. SUBSCRIBE to get the latest. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Rachel Crawfish? I"m going to the mall to hand out gifts to orphans kids. At the airport he picked up 6 bags. [Faces Eddie] Look at him, charming, handsome, popular. Cornelius Eugene Urkel aka OGD: Serious. Harriette: Well, if he remembers you, he's used to you looking like a jerk. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: How could you mess this up? Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: What's your aunt's name, who'd want to kill her, and who do you like in the World Series? I'll tell you something else, Allison, I may not be the most trendy guy on campus, or the best looking and I'm CERTAINLY not the most coordinated. Carl: You know, bowling was a great idea. Steve Urkel: And I'm Steve Urkel! Rachel Crawford: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Carl Otis Winslow: [Takes the money from Eddie] I love you son. Carl: Of all the names that I have called you , the one that bothers you is butthead? Eddie didn't have to come back here and confess. Carl Otis Winslow: [packing up the camping gear] Boy that was great, a family weekend in the wilderness. Why, a few sessions on the Muscle Master and you'll be drooling over my deltoids. Allison: Look, we're just having a little harmless fun. Steve Urkel: [cracks up] Oh, that's rich! Laura: Well, Steve, I've been trying to convince Waldo that girls find him attractive. Let's keep this one! Harriette Winslow: [gives him a tray of drinks] Here, take these with you. Steve Urkel: Why, of course it can! Steve Urkel: I had my first allergy attack when I was nine. Harriette Winslow: [to Rachel] Believe me! Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Ok, you talked me into it. Carl: I don't have to take this, I'm going home! Harriette Winslow: Carl, calm down, it's not the school's fault. And OOHHH, and him! Five hundred on the line. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Uh no, Waldo, state your name. My daughter's been hurt and I can't do a thing about it. And then there was the time we went camping and we were in dyer need of a generator and we just plugged the toaster into Uncle Elijah and the Pop Tarts were flying. [Carl hits the mantel] Carl. [crying], Maxine Johnson: [Maxine starts to laugh while talking to Steve] Ooh, hoo hoo. That's not enough time for Rambo to blow anything up. Carl: There is a guy on our couch who says I remember him, but I don't remember him. When I was born when the doctor slapped me, I SHOT him! Steve Urkel: Well, isn't that just a FIIIINE kettle of fish? Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Laura, do you mind if your old grandmother tells you a story? I'm sorry, call you next week? Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: But you can't fire Waldo, he's our friend. He held operations in Chicago. Ty: No, he's Eddie's brother. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: I'm flat broke, dad. Weasel: [pulls out a lot of cash from his pockets] Look at this $1500 dead presidents and the homies are still coming in. Steven Quincy Urkel: Oh, put a cork in it, Missy! Carl: Are you implying that you're not having a good time? Suppose I made it happen. Cassie Lynn: That may be what happened, but that won't be what the people believe. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Laura, I know that I'm not worthy of you, but I just can't help loving you. Urkelbot: [sneaks up behind the robber and surprises him] Freeze! Steve Urkel: Sh-she touched me, Carl! How much will that cost me? Steve Urkel: Nine years, three months, two weeks, four days, six hours, eight minutes, and fourteen seconds fifteen seconds sixteen seconds. But you know what, I find her very attractive. All these people think the party is tonight. Steve Urkel: Oh, nothing. Alright. Steve Urkel: Hi Harriette, hi Laura, hi Harriette, hi Laura, hi Harriette, oh look, it's Laura! Harriette Winslow: Laura, you've had your head in those books all morning, got a big test coming up? Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Yeah? Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: I'll miss Waldo. Waldo: You guys think you can walk all over me because I'm dumb. [Steve is eating frozen fish sticks out of the box]. The hot chocolate will be ready soon. Carl: If that's the case then I plead guilty. Laura: You know, I just don't get why people are so afraid of our history. [goes to the refrigerator] No root beer? I'm wearing a Bart Simpson's mug. Harriette: I don't know. Lt. Murtaugh: I dropped the, uh, nerd off next door at the, uh, nerd house. Harriette Winslow: Is this your snowmobile? Urkelbot: [Kojack Impression] Who loves ya, baby! Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [Stephan] Laura Winslow, you are the sun, the rain, and the wind that flowers my soul. Rachel Crawford: Thanks Steve. Harriette Winslow: Mother Winslow, take all the toddlers up to your room. Steve Urkel: Hey, I was following Eddie's instructions. You gotta fix that machineeeee. You see, I use verbs. Judy Winslow: Who wants to read about cheese? Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Well now that depends, how nice of a Christmas gift do you want. [stares at the racist cop] Black. Steve Urkel: From my stay-away fund. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Wait Wait. Carl Otis Winslow: You know son, if Screwing Up ever became an Olympic event. Rachel Crawford: Oh. Can you give me some money so I can finish my Christmas shopping? Steve Urkel: Yes! Steve Urkel: I can't! Laura: Let me tell you something. Get me a cherry slurpy! Steve Urkel: [singing] Fishing on Lake Wannamuk. Richie Crawford: I can break all this stuff. Maybe a better word is Loud. [steps on the gas]. Steve pits eight guys against each other in the battle for the best pickup lines. Steve Urkel: We met once. But, like they say in the movie "Love Story" 'Love means never having to say I'm sorry Steve, but I'm takin' yo chick'. Laura Lee Winslow: No it wasn't. Don't they teach Black History at your school? We've got cheerleaders taller than him. In fact, do you know what it is Harriet? Maxine Johnson: It happens every year the day of the prom. Myra Monkhouse: Mr.Winslow, I am very sorry. Steve Urkel: Because, I love you love you love you! My, what strong arms. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Oh well Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: You mean to tell me that the Army screwed up the paper work again. He breaks something a beaker along the way]. This library card is proof that ONE person can make a difference. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Ok dad. *You're* gonna sleep in the bathtub! Willie Fuffner: That's different, you're my friend. If there was one thing I thought the show could have brushed up on, it would be the premise of the episodes. People stopped and starred, called me names, and some even spit at me. My parents would only take Steve if Steve's parents promised to take me. Eddie Winslow, front and center! I just got a job! A heart that hurts. It's not fair. [after Carl as defeated Turbo with ease, Harriette runs up to him with her purse]. If all you ever look for is the float with Miss America on it, then the whole parade is going to pass you by. I've decided to retire from the theatre arts department. Kanye West name-dropped "Family Matters" star Steve Urkel on his My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy track, "Dark Fantasy." However, Ye originally thought a similar line rapped by T-Pain was "corny," the "Buy U A Drank" singer claims.. As reported by HipHopDX on Tuesday (Sept. 7), T-Pain says Ye stole the concept for the Urkel-referencing line after hearing a similar lyric on his . Undaunted, Steve switches the station to polka music and ends up having a good time dancing with Waldo and Maxine], Carl: By the way, thanks for letting me use your chamber, Stefan. Eddie swoops in and starts taking pictures]. Oh my God! Carl Otis Winslow: Well is she still crying? Myrtle Urkel: Oh, how true, how true! Laura Lee Winslow: Steve, could you go a little faster? This is amazing! Waldo: [after thinking a moment] Ok. Eddie: No, Kyle's gone solo and Jerry went with him. Waldo Geraldo Faldo: over and over and over. Harriette Winslow: Oh lord. What do you use to get weighed, a postage scale? Sara Sue Pettyjohn: [stuck up toward Myrtle's lack of style and class] That's the difference between *old* money and *new* money. Stefan Urquelle: Steve, what's up with your cousin? Check it out: Urkelbot: [Dirty Harry Impression] Go ahead, punk! Steve Urkel: Look, I know the pay is lousy, the hours are long, and you hardly ever get the credit you deserve. Carl Otis Winslow: Tell me Harriet, before I left for work this morning, did I or did I not tell Edward to empty the trash can? That's one for the books! Eddie: No, grandma. [He and his partner grabs Willie and Waldo]. Steve Urkel: No, I don't like to disturb anyone. aries: "You strike me as a woman who has never been satisfied. Carl, you given me a half-eaten box of candy. Carl Otis Winslow: I know. Maxine Johnson: Yeah and poor you, you gonna miss your prom. Why she is woman, hear me roar. What is the value of X? Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: No no no no no. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: I call Waldo Faldo up. Stupid? Steve Urkel: [after discovering that the stereo in Eddie's car has had its serial number scratched off] Uh-uh. Steve Urkel: [to Carl] They actually give this guy bullets? Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Failure to signal. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Make one, then Xerox It! Dexter Thornhill: [after being found guilty at Urkel's trial] Darn you Urkel, Darn you to Heck! Rachel Crawford: Mother Winslow, guess what? Laura Lee Winslow: Hey, my locker's open! You have a lot of qualitites girls really go for. Rachel Crawford: Mother Winslow, when you when you Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Bite the big one? I'm jealous of Todd and you want me to help him. You're my friend. Cornelius Eugene Urkel aka OGD: That's big talk coming from a guy in Italy. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [Waldo heads into the kitchen as Steve emerges] You o.k., Eddo? Laura: Girl, have you ever seen the hair salon so crowded? Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: What's wrong? Wow, are you wearing a bra? Steve Urkel: Your Honor, I would like to call Waldo Faldo! And if you call me names, do I not eat? Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Well, so is Urkelbot! No, you're not invited. Judy Winslow: Mom, when's dinner? Laura Lee Winslow: Yeah, that's right, how'd you know? Wha? Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Oh really, why wasn't I told? Steven Quincy Urkel: Land sakes, woman. Sorry. In the latter half of Family Matters, Steve started staying with the Winslows as his parents didn't want him around. Steve Urkel: To keep the camera on him and forget all the other meatheads. Big guys have never played keep away with your hat on a cold day. Finally, one rainy day, I walked in dripping wet, and that same man that pushed me out, shook his head and gave me a library card. 8. Steve Urkel: I know! There's a lot of bad pickup lines out there. Waldo Geraldo Faldo: Oh don't worry they promised to come back tomorrow. Carl Otis Winslow: Like that. Laura Lee Winslow: That you'll never go into outer space again. A few minutes ago, I just saw Laura and I fanted. Laura Lee Winslow: Then she demanded her money back when she found out that she modeled ladies underwear. I'm on duty? She lived a long and full life. Laura Lee Winslow: Aunt Rachel, take little Richie, the Murphy twins are giving each other haircuts in the backyard! Carl: Uh-oh. I was kickin' butt. This semester we're Steven, you'd better get going. "What has 132 teeth and holds back the Incredible Hulk? [Laura has stuffed her bra with Eddie's socks], Steve Urkel: [entering] Hi gang! All the doo da day. Carl enters her room with Eddie, who is struggling to stifle his laughter.]. It seems the guy that you purchased your stereo equipment from didn't want you to fill in any important paper work. Laura: Steve Urkel, you are the most annoying human being that I have ever met! Ms. Steuben: That's that's not funny, Steven. Steve Urkel. Laura Lee Winslow: No, it really bugs me that Steve is the only guy with enough guts to stand up to Willie. Waldo: Life is short, and so it Gary Coleman. My mom's the one who really messed up. Web. Maxine Johnson: Ooh Laura, you look good. Harriette Winslow: Carl I am not a weak, wimpy woman whose afraida to speak her mind. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Forget it, Carl, it's quicksand. He created a machine that could cause items to grow in size. Harriette Winslow: And you agree with me? Laura Lee Winslow: You're lucky, you got into a great fraternity and all it cost you was your best friend. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: From my stay away fund- every year all my relatives send me money and hope that I won't visit them. We'll start with a common Korean phrase. Oh, gentle Romeo, if thou doth love, pronounce it faithfully. Steve Urkel: Now that Waldo's out of the picture, does that make me your number one reject? Harriette Winslow: Carl, those are my personal and private thoughts. Waldo Geraldo Faldo: Oh, cool. Carl Otis Winslow: [to himself] That's just was well because we might not be allowed to go back into that restaurant again. Laura Lee Winslow: He didn't need to. Steve Urkel: Okay. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Aww that's cute. [Urkel is playing Danny Boy on his Swiss Melody Chimes and Carl is furiously awaken by it. It's late. Steven Quincy "Steve" Urkel: Fuffner, I've heard of some low things in my time, but forcing Laura to go to the dance with me is plain dispicable. So go ahead, FIRE ME! Suppose I made it happen. Got anything in the fridge? Steven Quincy Urkel: I'm not through! "Nubbles Sucks Face with Nerd!". Was I about to take the Big Sleep? Ms. Steuben: I know, Steven. In fact, I'm grounded. Steven Quincy Urkel: Well, then where am I gonna sleep? Harriette Winslow: You were gone for three hours. "Tomorrow, Dad!" 89. Waldo Faldo: Why are ya gonna do that, Willie? And him. He's half-Nerd, Half-Carl. Laura Lee Winslow: Let's just take that risk. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Oh they love the new me. Carl: Rachel, you're putting entirely too much filling in those. Waldo: We rented us a limo station wagon. Why, you might as well drop a boulder on my foot, shove bamboo shoots under my fingernails, or scoop my eyeballs out with a melon baler. Laura: Science class. Steve Urkel: I can't! Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Yes, those were very confusing times. Eddo. Here is the updated version of every line of Urkel's famous: "I've fallen and I can't get up" line from the show Family Matters.Here are the episodes in orde. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: What? Why would anybody want to kill her? I have a muscle in my forehead that will not stop jerking! Laura: Well, he's all yours, Eddie. Stefan Urkelle: Wake me, shake me, break me, but baby, don't forsake me. Waldo Geraldo Faldo: [talking to Eddie] Man, they didn't even know who we were. Isn't that sad? Carl Otis Winslow: I'll tell you what son, why not give me cash for Christmas. Harriette: I guess it wouldn't hurt to take a home economics class. The black kids won't talk to the white kids, people are calling each other names, taking sides! Steve Urkel: Well, Laura, do you realize what you're asking? Laura: Look, I owe you an apology. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: [to Laura] Sugar, I realize you're having a hard time, but you've got to stand up for whatever you believe in, or things will never change. There is no Steve here. [He leaves the house]. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: I feel so safe in Raoul's strong arms I love him soo much and I sorta like Carl. The next minute rump roast! Harriette Winslow: [retrieves a coupon from her purse] Ohhh no no no, Carl! Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm. We're doing our best to make sure our content is useful, accurate and safe.If by any chance you spot an inappropriate comment while navigating through our website please use this form to let us know, and we'll take care of it shortly. The '90s series "Family Matters" may have been about the Chicago-based Winslow family, but the show's breakout character was actually Winslow neighbor Steve Urkel. It was the most terrifying five minutes of my life, second only to watching Lord of the Dance!
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